You might wonder how a 25 year ICU nurse pivoted and became a Doctor of Oriental Medicine. It all started with a promise to my mom.

I began nursing school in 1994 when my son, Joshua, was just 4 months old, and I completed my Bachelor of Science in Nursing in 1996. Upon graduation, as I was seeking my first job, my mother expressed her desire for me to pursue an advanced degree. I explained to her that Joshua had already endured significant time apart from me, while I was focused on nursing school, and I wanted to prioritize our time together. However, I promised her I would pursue further education once Joshua grew and became more independent.

When Joshua was almost 5 he was diagnosed with Idiopathic Thrombocytopenia Purpura (ITP). Let’s say the next few years were …. awful. Chronically low platelets, bruises, doctors, hospitalizations and a lot of sleepless nights worrying about if he would wake up in the morning. We had a whole bunch of doctors, and a great team of healthcare providers in the Hematology/Oncology clinic, BUT there were also very few answers to the questions like: “How did this happen? Why did this happen? This treatment didn’t work, why not? This other treatment didn’t work, why not? What do we do next? And the most important question How can we make it better?”

About 4 years after Joshua’s ITP diagnosis, my identical twin was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were 36. My entire family supported her during her lumpectomy, quadrectomy, total double mastectomy, port placement, chemotherapy, port removal, breast reconstruction surgery, and finally permanent implant placement. As her twin and a nurse, I felt like an abject failure in my ability to help her. I don’t know which was worse, the chemotherapy or the complications from chemotherapy. 

Once we were through the chemotherapy and the breast reconstruction, we gave her body time to re-regulate. She had all of the complications you may have heard of after a person goes through a cancer diagnosis. Things like: chemo brain, fatigue, gastro-paresis, all-over body pain that led to a fibromyalgia diagnosis, gallbladder issues, pancreatitis, narcolepsy, and eventually a bilateral saddle pulmonary embolisms that put her in the ICU. Honestly, I’ve skipped a few things. Over the years and dealing with all of her things, not one doctor had answers to: “How did this happen? Why did this happen? This treatment didn’t work, why not? This other treatment didn’t work, why not? What do we do next? And the most important question How can we make it better?”

I felt all of the things you might imagine a person who works in the healthcare system might feel: helplessness, despair, anxiety, guilt, sadness, frustration, shame, resentment, overwhelmed, isolation, and hopelessness. These feelings clung to me in my personal experience with chronic conditions and spread to my professional career as an ICU nurse.

I continued in nursing and saw the same thing over and over and over with my patients and their families. No answers, and no ability to be an effective support person. I had medications I could give, but honestly most of the time I felt useless. I became quite disheartened and disenchanted with Western Medicine and how we help people with chronic conditions.

It was around November of 2008 (I was 41) I saw an ENT about my hearing loss in my right ear and ended up having middle ear surgery. The ENT thought my stapes bone had overgrown and if he took that out and replaced it with a piston, I would regain my hearing somewhat. I had some major complications from that surgery. If you could imagine shingles on the trigeminal nerve. I ended up with polycranial neuropathy and a severe case of Meniere’s Disease (which is profound dizziness). Of course, there were no answers to my questions: “How did this happen? Why did this happen? This treatment didn’t work, why not? This other treatment didn’t work, why not? What do I do next? And the most important question How can I make it better?”

During the first year and a half, my mom was my primary support. I couldn’t shop, clean, cook, or drive. Early on, even a trip to the bathroom would leave me needing a three-hour nap She was my best friend and my greatest support. Tragically, she passed away unexpectedly in June 2010, leaving me devastated. 

Summer is the hardest season for me due to the heat, humidity, and summer storms that affect atmospheric pressure, all of which are triggers for my Meniere’s disease. From October to March, with cooler temperatures and lower humidity, I would gradually improve. When summer returned, I would lose some of the progress I had made, but each year, I felt a bit better and did better than the year before.

It took me until 2015 to be able to handle the stress of working and I was having more normal days than bad days. By now, my son was well past the age that he needed me and I started contemplating the promise I had made to go back to school. I was well and truly disappointed in the Western Medical Model by this time. I considered if I wanted to go deeper into a field of medicine that offered me MORE responsibility in a broken system. I knew that the Western Medical Model didn’t have time to spend on the patients to actually make them well. The insurance system is a scam and doesn’t allow for true healing, just the handing out of pharmaceuticals and I felt like I didn’t actually HELP anyone. 

Now don’t get me wrong, Western Medicine is great at treating broken bones, complex traumas, heart attacks, cancers, and things that need surgery. Western medicine does not treat chronic conditions particularly well, as it is often limited to prescribing pharmaceuticals that have pretty significant side effects. 

As I was contemplating how I was going to fulfill my promise of continuing my education I had made my mom, I was in a quandary. Did I really want to continue in a healthcare system that left me feeling like I wasn’t doing enough for the people that I cared for? If I stayed in the advanced degrees available for me as a nurse, I had the choice to continue in nursing education, healthcare administrator, CRNA, APRN, and none of these options felt authentic or good to me. I contemplated going in a completely different direction and thought about a business degree, or a finance degree, but after being a bedside nurse for almost 20 years,  I knew I could not sit behind a desk for 8 hours a day. I also knew that I am a healer at my core, and I wasn’t done trying to help people. I was ruminating about what I could do to honor this promise I had made, to honor my patients, and to honor my moral code. Someone suggested acupuncture, and a new journey began.